Sixteen thoughts on 16 years of marriage.

1. We've aged, and I still think my wife is the most beautiful woman on the planet Earth.

2. My wife and I are open with our problems we have. We're not trying to present a photoshopped perfect marriage to the people that know us. However, we are both wise enough to settle those differences in private. Never on social media.

3. You don't get married and stop dating. You get married so you can date forever. #NoteToSelf

4. A wise man once said, "Marriage isn't 50/50. It's 100/100."

5. Only humility will get you out of what pride got you into.

6.  Being a husband (along with being a father) is the hardest and most important thing I've ever done. This Art Azurdia quote explains why.

"A husband's life is to be characterized by a predetermined committment to always act in the highest interest and greatest good of his wife.... this love is to be an ongoing performance that could never be interrupted by any imperfection on her part." 

7.  The importance of the phrase "Will you forgive me?" can't be overstated in a marriage.


8.  We live modestly, and as a family of seven try to make dollars stretch. It's crazy that Emily and I got to spend the week leading up to our anniversary in the Bahamas, but that's what happened. How it happened could (and may be) another blog in itself, but we are extremely grateful.

9.  If we are too busy to invest in our marriage, we're too busy.

10. Why is marriage important? Because it shows two people love each other enough to commit to loving a person in the future and not just in the present. For better or for worse. In sickness and in health. On August 4, 2001, I made a commitment to love the present and future version of Emily Lassiter. It's a promise that both of us, by God's grace, plan on honoring until we die.

11. We've received so much wise counsel from sitting down with others. There's no way to put a price tag on how valuable sitting with wise people has been for our marriage. We all can benefit from having people invested in seeing us grow in the important areas in life.

12. Evidently, I've had my fair share of second dinner helpings over the last 16 years.

13.  The church has been wrestling through unique marriage questions for the past decade. Pastor Bryan Loritts presents the most balanced, biblical teaching I've heard regarding some of these questions in a four-part series entitled The Gospel and My Gay Neighbor. Definitely worth a listen.

14. It may be another 16 years before we master the art of compromising on dinner plans.

15. We both brought a lot of brokenness and wrong thinking about relationships into our marriage, but God in His grace has seen us through!

16. I  have good friends whose marriages didn't make it. I hurt for them, but they are by no means second-class citizens to Christ. The gospel is that all who put their hope in Christ alone - whether single, married, divorced, widowed, etc. - are fully loved by God and have his smile.

Chris Lassiter is a Christ-follower, a husband to Emily (read her blog here), a father to five kids and a freelance writer for Young Life Relationships, HipHopDX.com, JamTheHype.com and other publications. His second book, Grits and the Grimels, can be purchased here. 

This Tuesday is .... A Time To Listen

A little over a week ago, I wrote a piece  in the News Leader.  

It was a follow-up to a blog post that I had written before the non-indictments of officers Darren Wilson and Daniel Pantaleo. One of the things I urged in my blog was that progress in situations like these involve a great deal of listening. 

On Tuesday, December 16 (which is tomorrow at the time I am writing this) a multicultural group of evangelical leaders will be leading and live-streaming an event called A Time To Speak. (Read the press release of the event here.) 

The event - which is being held at the same Memphis hotel where Martin Luther King, Jr. was assassinated - features John Piper, Bryan Loritts, Matt Chandler, Eric Mason and many other men and women that I respect greatly. 

I'm really excited that evangelical leaders are praying and moving to action. In my wildest dreams, I picture a church in my generation that begins to live into the racial unity that the scriptures say has already been achieved at the cross.

And, as my wife Emily Lassiter  and I continue to hope to be part of the solution, we would gladly open our home to anyone interested in catching the re-broadcast of the event at 9 p.m. eastern. 

Just let us know. 

Chris Lassiter is a Christ-follower, a husband to Emily (read her blog here), a father to five kids and a freelance writer for Young Life Relationships, HipHopDX.com, JamTheHype.com and other publications. His first book, You're Grounded, was published by Moody Publications last year. You can order the book here. 

Ferguson Aftermath: Why a Pair of Cops Showed up at my House

Two weeks ago,  a pair of cops showed up at my house. 

I invited them. 

My wife had given an idea to our pastor Rick Gilmartin. And our pastor had asked a culturally diverse group of us to meet and discuss our feelings about the Ferguson shooting. That group included a pair of police officers. 

Our pastor offered to host the meeting at the Holy Cross office, but I thought a meeting at my house - in a part of the city where some folks struggle to trust law enforcement - would be a more appropriate setting. 

So we met. And we talked. And, most importantly, we listened. 

We all shared our perspectives about the case and the case's coverage, and how we each felt that the gospel should speak to reconciliation. Because we had started the hard work of building cross cultural friendships, we could all say what was on our mind knowing that we could leave the meeting with our friendships in tact. 



My church's main focus isn't racism. Thankfully, it's the gospel. Come to church with me, and each and every week the focus is going to be the gospel of Jesus Christ. It's my favorite thing about my church. However, one of the evidences of the gospel applied is we see the cross of Christ factoring into the way we view race relations. 

For at least one day, the steep, narrow steps leading up to my home represented steps toward racial reconciliation in the church. In the midst of a vivid reminder that highlighted just how much racial tension still exists in our country, I was able to be part of the solution, albeit a very small one.

I write these blogs as conversation starters. What's one small step you'd be willing to take to be part of the solution to race relations?

Chris Lassiter is a Christ-follower, a husband to Emily (read her blog here), a father to five kids and a freelance writer for Young Life Relationships, HipHopDX.com, JamTheHype.com and other publications. His first book, You're Grounded, was published by Moody Publications last year. You can order the book here. 

"That's an Interesting Way to Cook Chicken" ... Thoughts on Interracial Marriage

I'm black. My wife is white. 

We usually noticed our cultural differences the most right about 6 p.m. each night. That's dinner time. 

The scenario would usually play out like this:  My wife would bake - not fry - some chicken. Before I would even taste it, I would go back into the kitchen, pull out some salt and some sauces, and try to turn whatever my wife made into soul food.  (I have four friends who all told me they did the exact same thing, but don't worry I won't put y'all on blast here!) 

Needless to say, this did not play well in the Lassiter home. 

As time goes by, the gospel continues to inform both of our views on race. We've learned to compromise more. My wife has learned to make Jamaican jerk chicken and incorporate that into the menu often. I've learned to lay down some of my racial pride and admit that every meal doesn't have to be made "the black people way" in order to be right. 

Oh, how far we have come! 

Thirteen years ago, I would have never imagined myself in this spot. I grew up in a middle-class black family. My parents are still married. And my view of the black family unit was healthy. I tell people all the time our family was sort of like the Cosby Show.  I didn't have anything against interracial marriage. I just never considered it.  I certainly never thought it would be me.

I went into it kind of blindly. I'm realizing to many people, however, issues of race such as interracial marriage are a very big deal. 

And I think I know why. 

A lot of racism has to do with fear. And a lot of that fear has to do with the idea of different races mixing in marriage.

It's a controversial subject. 

Consider, for instance: 

• the white parents who fear - and possibly rightly so - that their white daughter won't be accepted in either the black community or the white community
• Black women who understandably feel hurt by the idea of  black men having the "white woman trophy wife" complex
• Grandparents on both sides who grew up in times when racism was much more overt

And this isn't just a black-white issue. It would be very easy to simply label everyone against the idea of interracial marriage a racist, but that's far too simplistic. 

As you can see from three examples - of which I could easily add 20 more -  this can be a very nuanced and complex issue in which we all have  different factors that have informed our view. 

Of course, very few people would admit it since being politically correct is so important, but many of us would have to wrestle through the idea of our loved ones marrying someone from a different culture. 

 I've never really set out to study much on the topic, but recently I came across two resources on the topic of interracial marriage. 

On our trip to the Bahamas, I read two great books by Dr. John Piper. 

The first was called Risk is Right. 

The second book, which addressed interracial marriage, was called Bloodlines.  Here's a quote:  

"In Christ our Oneness is profound and transforms racial and social differences from barriers to blessings... Ethnic and social differences cease to be obstacles to deep, personal intimate fellowship, including marriage." p. 210. 


Right before I left my Bahamas trip, I heard a sermon from Fellowship Memphis pastor Bryan Loritts - one of my favorite gospel communicators - on the topic of interracial marriage. It is part of a 7-part marriage series. You can listen to that  sermon here.  He actually begins addressing interracial marriage at the 23:31 mark of the sermon. I think everyone should listen!

I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences with interracial relationships. One word of caution. If you don't agree, please feel free to do so, but please do so thoughtfully! Not one has to agree, but we can all agree to be thoughtful toward one another as we discuss issues of race. 

Chris Lassiter is a Christ-follower, a husband to Emily (read her blog here), a father to five kids and a freelance writer for Young Life Relationships, HipHopDX.com, JamTheHype.com and other publications. His first book, You're Grounded, was published by Moody Publications last year. You can order the book here. 

Michael Sam, Macklemore, My Gay Friends and the Gospel

What if Michael Sam and I were teammates? 

Michael Sam, an all-American college football player at Mizzou, became the first NFL prospect to announce that he was gay over the weekend. The 2013 SEC defensive player of the year, Sam is sure to be drafted at the upcoming NFL Draft, which will make him the first openly gay player to be on a current professional football team.

That brings me to my question. What if me, a Christian man, and Michael Sam, a gay man, were teammates? 

As evidenced by Macklemore's hit song "Same Love,"  many would suggest that my Christianity and Sam's lifestyle would put us at odds as friends or even teammates. In fact, the opening verses of the song states:

"The right wing conservatives think it's a decision
And you can be cured with some treatment and religion
Man-made rewiring of a predisposition
Playing God, aw nah here we go
America the brave still fears what we don't know
And God loves all his children, is somehow forgotten
But we paraphrase a book written thirty-five-hundred years ago
I don't know."

I have also seen Christians take a wide variety of approaches on engaging the gay community. Some of those approaches have been based on the gospel. Other approaches have been based on fear and hatred.

So imagine we were teammates. What would a conversation sound like between a Christian athlete with a gay teammate and friend? I would hope I could communicate the following two things:

1.  I would hope we could both embrace each other as friends. I sincerely hope that our different beliefs would not stop us from being friends. I don't need a person to believe exactly what I believe to value their worth as a person or their friendship. I'd hope I wouldn't make assumptions about him as a gay man, and I would hope that he wouldn't make assumptions about me as a Christian.

2. I'd focus more on the gospel than on sexuality. It would be crazy to have a conversation about the Bible with sexual ethics as the starting place. In fact, my conversation with my gay friends would probably sound the same as my discussions with: 

• a friend from another faith background
• a friend who goes to church out of duty but doesn't love Jesus 
• an agnostic friend who isn't sure we can know what is true
•  a friend too busy partying to care who believes what.

That conversation would be this: The grand narrative of the Bible is that Jesus didn't come to make "bad" people "good." He came to make "dead people" alive. 

The grand narrative of the Bible is that all men and women - both heterosexual and homosexual - have chosen to be god of their own lives instead of trusting the God who created them. 

However, God conceived a way to mend the relationship that we broke. All of the Biblical ethics  - which are important - are secondary to any person's understanding of the person and work of Jesus Christ. 

Bryan Loritts is one of my favorite communicators of the gospel. You can read a powerful blog he wrote about the gospel and the gay community called "Tom" right here. 
 
Also, Fellowship Memphis Church where Loritts serves as a teaching pastor is currently doing a four-part series on the gospel and the gay community. You can hear the first of those four messages here. 

I write these blogs as conversation starters. I would love to hear your thoughts on the Michael Sam story, the Macklemore "Same Love" song, the Bryan Loritts sermon and the relationship between the evangelical Christian community and the gay community. 

Chris Lassiter is a Christ-follower, a husband to Emily (read her blog here), and a father to five crazy kids. He leads Young Life at his former high school, Robert E. Lee in Staunton, VA, and he has written for The News Leader, VIBE, HipHopDx.com, Rapzilla.com, JamTheHype.com and other sites. 

Moody Publications recently published his first book, You're Grounded, which you can pick up here.   The Cross Promotion Blog gets updated twice a week.  Please consider subscribing by e-mail or clicking the "Join This Site" button at the bottom of this page. 

The Hook-Up: 4 Books (besides mine) to snatch up on Cyber Monday

Moody Publishing (the company that published my first book) is having a gigantic Cyber Monday sale (click here for online sale). 

If you are looking for a stocking stuffer, here are four other Moody Publishing books I recommend in addition to mine: 

1. DNA: Foundations of the Faith by D.A. Horton


Advance13 - D.A. Horton from Advance The Church on Vimeo.

D.A. is the director of Reach Life Ministries, a ministry that works in conjunction with the Reach Records label.  He's incredibly gifted in taking theological truth and making it applicable, especially to Christ-followers who grew up in hip-hop culture. I've met him and his wife on occasion. In his teachings (which I podcast regularly), he's extremely passionate, open and vulnerable. Keep up with his ministry and you will grow.

2. The Cross-Shaped Gospel by Bryan Loritts



Without any exaggeration, I think I have listened to every sermon this man has ever preached. (You can listen here).  I love his ministry. He's a great preacher, and he's a master of illustration and storytelling. He always uses those gifts to lift up Jesus. Watch the five-minute snippet above and you will see exactly what I mean.

3. The Good Life by Trip Lee



Most people know Trip Lee as a theologically sound rapper. His ministry is so much more than music. He preaches, too, and recently he wrote a book, The Good Life, that has the same title as his last album. The book takes a look at how people, including those in hip-hop, would define "the good life" and then addresses it from a gospel perspective.

4: Kai'Ro - The Journey of an Urban Pilgrim 

Kai'Ro is a brilliantly written hip-hop remix of John Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress. Our family has used this book and its sequel, Kai'Ro Returns, for family devotionals for the past few months. 

It's one of the best fiction books I've read addressing the challenges of being a disciple of Jesus Christ in an urban environment. (The other would be Phanatik's City of Allegory, which you can find here.)

As a reader, I'm growing more convinced that fiction writing does play an important role in our Christian journey. As a dad of five, it's been fun watching my kids embrace parts one and two of this book.

5: You're Grounded by me, Chris Lassiter





You're Grounded is an introduction to the gospel and the Christian life aimed at the hip-hop influenced reader. It's perfect to pick up and read, as a gift for a friend, or to study in a group. 

I'd love to hear back from you. Which book on this list interests you?  What other Cyber Monday deals are you excited about? 

Chris Lassiter is a Christ-follower, a husband to Emily (read her blog about forgiveness here), and a dad to five crazy-but-oh-so-lovable kids. Chris is a Young Life leader in his hometown of Staunton, Va. Please consider following The Cross Promotion Blog, which gets updated twice a week.

Why I'm not Looking at the Front Door: Five Thoughts on Marriage

On July 23, 1991, hip-hop group Main Source released one of the most critically acclaimed albums of the golden era of hip-hop. One of the top songs on the Breaking Atoms album was called Looking at the Front Door. 

In the song, emcee Large Professor gives the relationship equivalent of a two weeks notice, laying out his arguments to explain to his woman why the next time he walks out the front door will be his last time walking out the front door.

The song is catchy. But the message is tragic. 

My wife and I have some unwritten rules about marriage. We don't air our dirty laundry in public, whether that be public conversations or on social media. Comically, this had led some people who know us to assume that in our marriage there is no dirty laundry.

I could name dozens or problems in our marriage. My wife could probably name hundreds.

Still, by God's grace, we're both committed. Looking at the Front Door isn't an option.

Here are five thoughts on marriage.

•  Marriages take a lot of work. If you let your marriage drift, it will drift in the wrong direction. I haven't set out to put on weight since being married. I just haven't been intentional enough about being in better shape. Marriage is sort of like that. If you are not intentionally working on it, it can drift somewhere you never wanted it to go. 

Just how intentional should you be? A wise person once told us that two scheduled times to talk without interruptions and one date night each week were the minimum.

• The marriage relationship is the most important relationship in the home. The best thing I can do for my kids is to love my wife unconditionally. They will receive more security knowing that our marriage can survive hard circumstances or relationship strife than from anything else I can do. 

• We date to marry, but it shouldn't stop there. We should marry to date, meaning that you can't let the busyness of life make enjoying your marriage less of a priority. (Note to self on this one especially.)

• Humility is key. My wife really does have a lot of great qualities. However, when I can see something that disturbs me, I tend to focus on the disturbing thing more than great things she brings into my life. I wrestle with entitlement. I'm not as thankful as I'd like to be, and the biggest way this reveals itself is in how much I take my wife for granted instead of expressing gratitude. 

•  The gospel really does make a difference. I Corinthians 13, "the love chapter" has been read at almost every wedding I've attended. All of the attributes of love - doesn't envy, keeps no records of wrong, etc. - were found in the nature of Jesus Christ, who after having loved perfectly, was willing to die to make our reconciliation with God possible. The Bible refers to the church as Christ's bride, so it's also the example for men to follow in loving their wives. 

Pastor Bryan Loritts is one of my favorite gospel communicators. I would encourage you to listen to his message on marriage here.  At times, having a third party, such as a church counselor or a trusted professional counselor, can help you work through problems, too. Emily and I have benefited from both.  Marriage isn't easy, but is worth fighting for.

Question: What are other important factors in a marriage?

Chris Lassiter is a Christ-follower, a  husband to Emily (read her blog here), father of five, and Young Life leader in his hometown of Staunton, VA. He has written for The News Leader, VIBE, HipHopDX.com, Rapzilla.com, S.O.U.L. Mag, Young Life Relationships and many other place. He is the author of You're Grounded, which you can read about here.