Sixteen thoughts on 16 years of marriage.

1. We've aged, and I still think my wife is the most beautiful woman on the planet Earth.

2. My wife and I are open with our problems we have. We're not trying to present a photoshopped perfect marriage to the people that know us. However, we are both wise enough to settle those differences in private. Never on social media.

3. You don't get married and stop dating. You get married so you can date forever. #NoteToSelf

4. A wise man once said, "Marriage isn't 50/50. It's 100/100."

5. Only humility will get you out of what pride got you into.

6.  Being a husband (along with being a father) is the hardest and most important thing I've ever done. This Art Azurdia quote explains why.

"A husband's life is to be characterized by a predetermined committment to always act in the highest interest and greatest good of his wife.... this love is to be an ongoing performance that could never be interrupted by any imperfection on her part." 

7.  The importance of the phrase "Will you forgive me?" can't be overstated in a marriage.


8.  We live modestly, and as a family of seven try to make dollars stretch. It's crazy that Emily and I got to spend the week leading up to our anniversary in the Bahamas, but that's what happened. How it happened could (and may be) another blog in itself, but we are extremely grateful.

9.  If we are too busy to invest in our marriage, we're too busy.

10. Why is marriage important? Because it shows two people love each other enough to commit to loving a person in the future and not just in the present. For better or for worse. In sickness and in health. On August 4, 2001, I made a commitment to love the present and future version of Emily Lassiter. It's a promise that both of us, by God's grace, plan on honoring until we die.

11. We've received so much wise counsel from sitting down with others. There's no way to put a price tag on how valuable sitting with wise people has been for our marriage. We all can benefit from having people invested in seeing us grow in the important areas in life.

12. Evidently, I've had my fair share of second dinner helpings over the last 16 years.

13.  The church has been wrestling through unique marriage questions for the past decade. Pastor Bryan Loritts presents the most balanced, biblical teaching I've heard regarding some of these questions in a four-part series entitled The Gospel and My Gay Neighbor. Definitely worth a listen.

14. It may be another 16 years before we master the art of compromising on dinner plans.

15. We both brought a lot of brokenness and wrong thinking about relationships into our marriage, but God in His grace has seen us through!

16. I  have good friends whose marriages didn't make it. I hurt for them, but they are by no means second-class citizens to Christ. The gospel is that all who put their hope in Christ alone - whether single, married, divorced, widowed, etc. - are fully loved by God and have his smile.

Chris Lassiter is a Christ-follower, a husband to Emily (read her blog here), a father to five kids and a freelance writer for Young Life Relationships, HipHopDX.com, JamTheHype.com and other publications. His second book, Grits and the Grimels, can be purchased here. 

My Five Favorite Blog Posts from 2013

Wow, 2013 is almost over. I can look back over the past year and agree with Tale of Two Cities author Charles Dickens that is was indeed "the best of times and the worst of times." On the bright side, I had my first book You're Grounded released in July, and I started this blog in the fall. 

If you're new to the blog - or you just have seen a post here or there - here are the top five I would encourage you to read from 2013. 

1. Is Kanye West a Christian? Yeezus showed up on the Kris Jenner Show talking about a WWJD bracelet and Christianity. You can read my take here.

2.  Why I'm Not Looking at The Front Door.  A blog on why my wife Emily (read her blog here) and I stick it out through the ups and down of marriage.  You can read it here.

3. The Interracial Cheerios family and church. There was a huge uproar when Cheerios used an interracial family to advertise its cereal. If this fictitious family was to ask me about finding a church as a interracial family, here's what I'd tell them. You can read that blog here.

4. Hope for the Hurting. This year, really from start to bottom, has probably been the most pain-filled and difficult year of my life for any number of reasons. This story about an amazing tree always encourages me that our pain isn't wasted. You can read that blog here.

5. How Nike's Blake Griffin Commercial reminds me of the gospel. I love this commercial from the music sample to the layout. The theme of the commercial is also amazing consistently with the main story of the Bible. Read how right here. 

There's plenty more on the blog, such as my thoughts on what 2Pac, the movie Friday and the show Preachers of L.A. have to do with one another and a great guest blog from my wife on forgiveness. I also threw in a few things I learned from going through the publishing process.  One blog that just barely missed the cut was a blog I had about what if rap star Ja Rule was to walk into your church?

I hope you enjoy it, and I would love your feedback on anything you read.

Happy New Year's! 

Chris Lassiter is a Christ-follower, a husband to Emily, and a father of five wild and crazy kids. He has written for The News Leader, VIBE, Rapzilla.com, Young Life Relationships and many other publications. His first book was published by Moody Publishing in July. (Read about it here.) The Cross Promotion Blog gets updated twice a week. Please consider joining this site by subscribing by email or following the link at the bottom that reads "Join This Site."  

 

Why I'm not Looking at the Front Door: Five Thoughts on Marriage

On July 23, 1991, hip-hop group Main Source released one of the most critically acclaimed albums of the golden era of hip-hop. One of the top songs on the Breaking Atoms album was called Looking at the Front Door. 

In the song, emcee Large Professor gives the relationship equivalent of a two weeks notice, laying out his arguments to explain to his woman why the next time he walks out the front door will be his last time walking out the front door.

The song is catchy. But the message is tragic. 

My wife and I have some unwritten rules about marriage. We don't air our dirty laundry in public, whether that be public conversations or on social media. Comically, this had led some people who know us to assume that in our marriage there is no dirty laundry.

I could name dozens or problems in our marriage. My wife could probably name hundreds.

Still, by God's grace, we're both committed. Looking at the Front Door isn't an option.

Here are five thoughts on marriage.

•  Marriages take a lot of work. If you let your marriage drift, it will drift in the wrong direction. I haven't set out to put on weight since being married. I just haven't been intentional enough about being in better shape. Marriage is sort of like that. If you are not intentionally working on it, it can drift somewhere you never wanted it to go. 

Just how intentional should you be? A wise person once told us that two scheduled times to talk without interruptions and one date night each week were the minimum.

• The marriage relationship is the most important relationship in the home. The best thing I can do for my kids is to love my wife unconditionally. They will receive more security knowing that our marriage can survive hard circumstances or relationship strife than from anything else I can do. 

• We date to marry, but it shouldn't stop there. We should marry to date, meaning that you can't let the busyness of life make enjoying your marriage less of a priority. (Note to self on this one especially.)

• Humility is key. My wife really does have a lot of great qualities. However, when I can see something that disturbs me, I tend to focus on the disturbing thing more than great things she brings into my life. I wrestle with entitlement. I'm not as thankful as I'd like to be, and the biggest way this reveals itself is in how much I take my wife for granted instead of expressing gratitude. 

•  The gospel really does make a difference. I Corinthians 13, "the love chapter" has been read at almost every wedding I've attended. All of the attributes of love - doesn't envy, keeps no records of wrong, etc. - were found in the nature of Jesus Christ, who after having loved perfectly, was willing to die to make our reconciliation with God possible. The Bible refers to the church as Christ's bride, so it's also the example for men to follow in loving their wives. 

Pastor Bryan Loritts is one of my favorite gospel communicators. I would encourage you to listen to his message on marriage here.  At times, having a third party, such as a church counselor or a trusted professional counselor, can help you work through problems, too. Emily and I have benefited from both.  Marriage isn't easy, but is worth fighting for.

Question: What are other important factors in a marriage?

Chris Lassiter is a Christ-follower, a  husband to Emily (read her blog here), father of five, and Young Life leader in his hometown of Staunton, VA. He has written for The News Leader, VIBE, HipHopDX.com, Rapzilla.com, S.O.U.L. Mag, Young Life Relationships and many other place. He is the author of You're Grounded, which you can read about here.