Why I'm not Looking at the Front Door: Five Thoughts on Marriage

On July 23, 1991, hip-hop group Main Source released one of the most critically acclaimed albums of the golden era of hip-hop. One of the top songs on the Breaking Atoms album was called Looking at the Front Door. 

In the song, emcee Large Professor gives the relationship equivalent of a two weeks notice, laying out his arguments to explain to his woman why the next time he walks out the front door will be his last time walking out the front door.

The song is catchy. But the message is tragic. 

My wife and I have some unwritten rules about marriage. We don't air our dirty laundry in public, whether that be public conversations or on social media. Comically, this had led some people who know us to assume that in our marriage there is no dirty laundry.

I could name dozens or problems in our marriage. My wife could probably name hundreds.

Still, by God's grace, we're both committed. Looking at the Front Door isn't an option.

Here are five thoughts on marriage.

•  Marriages take a lot of work. If you let your marriage drift, it will drift in the wrong direction. I haven't set out to put on weight since being married. I just haven't been intentional enough about being in better shape. Marriage is sort of like that. If you are not intentionally working on it, it can drift somewhere you never wanted it to go. 

Just how intentional should you be? A wise person once told us that two scheduled times to talk without interruptions and one date night each week were the minimum.

• The marriage relationship is the most important relationship in the home. The best thing I can do for my kids is to love my wife unconditionally. They will receive more security knowing that our marriage can survive hard circumstances or relationship strife than from anything else I can do. 

• We date to marry, but it shouldn't stop there. We should marry to date, meaning that you can't let the busyness of life make enjoying your marriage less of a priority. (Note to self on this one especially.)

• Humility is key. My wife really does have a lot of great qualities. However, when I can see something that disturbs me, I tend to focus on the disturbing thing more than great things she brings into my life. I wrestle with entitlement. I'm not as thankful as I'd like to be, and the biggest way this reveals itself is in how much I take my wife for granted instead of expressing gratitude. 

•  The gospel really does make a difference. I Corinthians 13, "the love chapter" has been read at almost every wedding I've attended. All of the attributes of love - doesn't envy, keeps no records of wrong, etc. - were found in the nature of Jesus Christ, who after having loved perfectly, was willing to die to make our reconciliation with God possible. The Bible refers to the church as Christ's bride, so it's also the example for men to follow in loving their wives. 

Pastor Bryan Loritts is one of my favorite gospel communicators. I would encourage you to listen to his message on marriage here.  At times, having a third party, such as a church counselor or a trusted professional counselor, can help you work through problems, too. Emily and I have benefited from both.  Marriage isn't easy, but is worth fighting for.

Question: What are other important factors in a marriage?

Chris Lassiter is a Christ-follower, a  husband to Emily (read her blog here), father of five, and Young Life leader in his hometown of Staunton, VA. He has written for The News Leader, VIBE, HipHopDX.com, Rapzilla.com, S.O.U.L. Mag, Young Life Relationships and many other place. He is the author of You're Grounded, which you can read about here.