A Middle-class black father. A Middle-class white mother. And a beautiful bircacial daughter. In short, a family that looked just like mine. An interracial family.
After a conversation where the mom relays facts about how Cheerios could help "dad" have a healthy heart - and presumably live a nice, long life - the daughter runs out of the room. When "dad" awakens from his nap on the couch, he is literally covered in Cheerios. It's a heartwarming commerical.
But not to everyone.
The commercial received such backlash that the St. Louis Dispatch reported that General Mills disabled comments to the video on YouTube.
Here's the reality. America has made progress in race relations.
There was an era where not only could a commercial like this not have aired, but the mere thought of such a relationship could have forced the man in the commercial to become the sad lyric of a Billie Holliday Strange Fruit song (hear the song here).
But, obviously, the commercial reaction reminds us that we are still not in post-racial America.
Because I think about church dynamics a lot, I recently asked myself this question: What advice would I give the Cheerios family about church?
I grew in a black Baptist church. Would that be a good fit? I've been at a non-denominational church that is mostly white. Would that work better? I've been a church intern. How about that one? As a person who has worked in a parachurch ministry, I've visited bunches of churches. How about those?
I've had numerous conversations with interracial families in our communities who have given up finding a church home. It's sad. Even though it's difficult, the Bible is clear that being part of a local fellowship is vitally important to the life of Christians.
If the Cheerios family were to ask me for advice, here are five things I would tell them.
- Find a healthy church first. In our family's journey, we would only consider membership in a church that would be healthy as the New Testament defines health. If a church had the diversity we sought for but wasn't healthy along those lines, it wouldn't be an option. (Read more about marks of a healthy church here.)
- Once we have narrowed the discussion down to healthy churches, one key factor in the search would be a diverse pastoral staff. To us, that would show that a church was willing to put its money where its theology is. The old saying "Like pulpit, like pew" is true in this sense. Churches are likely to be as diverse as the church's leadership. My favorite example of this diverse shared leadership approach is a church called Fellowship Memphis (visit Web site here.)
- Consider the "wet cement" principle. One of the reasons churches plant new churches is to reach a diversity of people within in the city. Pastor and author Tim Keller talks about the idea of becoming part of a group that has yet to fully establish its identity as wet cement. If you can be part of a church in its "wet cement phase," maybe you can help the church become diverse.
- Don't over-assimilate! Neither spouse should feel like they have be something they are not to be part of the church. As Christians, we're called to prefer other people, so they will be times of preferring others (You're gonna eat some food you don't like at some point!). What this doesn't mean, however, is completely denying who you are, the culture you come from, or who God made you to be.
- Expect some messy situations. I would tell the Cheerios family there will be some awkward conversations about their daughter's hair. There will be assumptions made. Political discussions can get strange. Press on anyways. Don't be angry race man or woman, but don't hide your true feelings when things bother you. Be willing to be part of the solution. Walk through situations with grace. The cross is strong enough to break down cultural barriers. And your family's courage may help other families to give church another chance, too.
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